Strong Women Get Tired Too

Strong women get tired too. 

In this episode, I’m talking about the exhaustion that comes from always being the strong one — the reliable one, the fixer, the one who copes, carries, remembers, organises, supports, shows up, and somehow still feels guilty for being tired.

Because being needed is not the same as being valued. And being capable does not mean you should have to carry everything.

I unpack the hidden mental load so many women live with, especially in midlife — the emotional labour, the overthinking, the rescuing, the hyperindependence, the burnout that still looks high-functioning from the outside.

We also talk about the uncomfortable part: where we may have learned to stop asking for help, how “I’m fine” can become a whole personality, and why taking responsibility for our patterns is not the same as blaming ourselves.

This episode is for the woman who looks like she’s holding it all together, but quietly wonders how much longer she can keep doing it.

No shame. No perfect answers. Just an honest conversation about what it costs to be everyone’s rock — and what it might look like to finally put some of it down.

Transcript

Welcome And What We’re About

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Welcome to Finished Apologies. The podcast where we get into the nitty-gritty of real life, starting over and figuring out who the hell we are now. No filter, no shame, a little messy, still not done. I'm your face page. If you're a woman over 40 who's ready to embrace the chaos, unpack the bullshit, and navigate the next chapter of your life without pretending you've got it all together, you're in the right place. Let's dive in together.

From Starting Over To Exhaustion

SPEAKER_00 0:40

Hi beautiful people. Welcome back to Unfinished and Unapologetic. So last week we talked about what starting over looked like when you thought your life would look different by now. And geez, that episode kind of hit me in the feels because I shared a lot of personal stuff in there. And if you haven't had a chance to check it out yet, definitely go back and give it a listen. But today I want to talk about something that I feel like it sits underneath a lot of the things that we've already talked about.

The Burden Of Being Strong

SPEAKER_00 1:24

And that's the exhaustion of always being the strong one. I used to think that being the strong one was one of my better qualities. Seriously, look at me. I have two divorces under my belt, three grown-up kids. I've dealt with mental diagnoses and illnesses and conditions for most of my life. I'm still going through the whole chronic pain and autoimmune disease diagnosis with specialists and everything. I bought my own house finally on my own. And I started completely over again at 47. And I'm still standing. So I wore that shit like a badge of honor. I'd look at my life and think, look how much I survived. Look how much I can carry. Look at how much I can take. And for a really long time, I thought that made me strong. But lately, I've been wondering, what if I'm not strong? What if I'm just fucking exhausted? Because I think a lot of women are. Not tired because we stayed up late scrolling TikTok or binge watching Netflix. I mean soul tired. Tired of being the one everybody calls. Tired of carrying everybody else's emotions. Tired of fixing shit. Tired of holding the family together. Tired of being responsible. Tired of being okay. Tired of pretending we don't need anybody to. And somewhere along the way, being the strong one stopped feeling like a compliment. And it started feeling like a life sentence.

Emotional Labour Nobody Sees

SPEAKER_00 3:43

Because I don't think we talk honestly enough about the emotional labor of it all. Not just doing things, not the washing or the cooking or the grocery shopping. I'm in the carrying of things mentally, remembering all the birthdays, remembering appointments, keeping track of everybody else's schedules and checking in on people, managing family dynamics, thinking 10 steps ahead all the time, noticing when somebody's upset before they say a word. Trying to keep the peace. Trying to make sure that everybody's okay. I mean, our brains never bloody stop. And honestly, half the time, nobody even notices that we're doing it. Because we've become so good at carrying it. We don't even notice anymore. Especially mums. Oh my god. I think motherhood changes your nervous system forever. My kids are all adults. Um, one moved home recently, one lives way down on the Gold Coast, which is ages away from me, and one of them's about to make me a grandma again. And I still worry. I still lie awake sometimes thinking, are they okay? Are they happy? Are they struggling? Am I helping too much? Am I not helping enough? Did I do enough? Or did I somehow fuck them up? Right? I swear, being the mum, being a mum, is the only job where you never resign from. Your kids could be 45 years old and you'll still be. Have you eaten today? Do you need any money? Why haven't you texted me back? And I mean, that's it's all beautiful, right? It really is. But it's exhausting too. And I think women feel really guilty admitting that.

Motherhood And Never Switching Off

SPEAKER_00 6:08

And then if you're anything like me, you become the support system for everybody else, too. Partners, parents, friends, the people at work, grandkids, neighbors. You become the woman who everybody says, oh, she'll know what to do, or she's got this. And maybe you do most of the time. But who's supporting you? Who's checking in on you? Who's asking if you're okay? And honestly, sometimes the answer is nobody. Because we've become so bloody independent that we don't let them. I am so guilty of this one. Like, next level guilty. And I really had to sit with that. Because hyperindependence gets praised a lot. We call women strong when they don't need anything, when they handle everything alone, when they don't complain, when they just keep on keeping on, no matter what's happening inside. And look, I really think that hyperindependence is just survival mode, dressed up as strength. I know I talked about survival mode back in episode two, but hear me out. Because this is the hidden cost of it. And the truth is,

Hyperindependence And Discomfort With Help

SPEAKER_00 7:55

I don't ask for help very often. Not because I'm brave, not because I'm strong, but honestly, because it makes me so fucking uncomfortable. Because somewhere along the way, I learned that if I don't need anybody, then nobody can disappoint me. And I know that can sound a bit on the cynical side to some of you, but to a lot of you, it sounds really empowering until you realize that you've built a life where nobody knows how to take care of you. Shit. When I realized that, that I'd actually set my life up in a way that the people closest to me didn't know how to take care of me, it hurt. Maybe you can relate. Maybe people let you down. Maybe you had to grow up too fast. Maybe you became the caretaker. Maybe your needs got ignored. Maybe asking for help made you feel weak. Or maybe you heard you're so strong, you'll be right. You always figure it out so many bloody times that eventually you stopped asking. You just do and do and do and do until one day you realize you're exhausted and nobody even knows. And the worst part, you still look high functioning, right? You're still going to work, still paying the bills, still answering texts, still organizing everything. And all of it still with that smile on your face, helping everybody else, still saying, all good. Meanwhile, you're fucking running on fumes. Because burnout doesn't always look

Burnout Signs Behind A Smile

SPEAKER_00 10:12

dramatic. It's not always some huge breakdown. Sometimes it's feeling numb, feeling resentful, snapping at people over stupid shit and constantly being irritated, feeling disconnected, and not enjoying anything properly anymore. Being mentally exhausted before the day even starts. That's one that also friggin' hit me hard. Because I realized that if I wasn't working, helping, fixing, or supporting someone, or being like productive, then I felt lazy or selfish or like I wasn't doing enough somehow. And that's not healthy. That's conditioning. And this is where I don't want this episode to turn into, oh my God, life's so hard, poor me. No. Life is fucking hard. Absolutely.

Patterns We Have To Question

SPEAKER_00 11:35

But at some point, we also have to take responsibility for the ways we participate in our own lives. And I say that with love because sometimes we all need that little slap upside the head, right? I know I did. But there comes a point where we do have to ask ourselves, why do I keep volunteering? Why do I keep rescuing people? Why do I keep proving my worth through what I do for everybody else? Why do I feel guilty when I'm resting? Why do I struggle to let people help me? And I don't mean blame yourself, not at all. I mean we need to become aware of all of these. Because if we never question our patterns, nothing changes.

Needed Versus Truly Valued

SPEAKER_00 12:38

And one of the hardest things that I've had to learn is this being needed is not the same thing as being valued. And mate, that stings. Because I think a lot of women build their identities around being useful. And then somewhere along the way, we confuse that with love. We think they need me, so they must value me. They rely on me. So I've got to be important. But when your worth becomes tied to what you do, you stop knowing who you are outside of that. And I think that's why so many women reach this stage of life feeling depleted and so exhausted. Because somewhere along the way, we abandoned ourselves while trying to hold everybody else together. I think a lot of us got so good at being needed that we forgot to ask, what do I need? And maybe that's why rest feels uncomfortable. Because if I'm not helping, fixing, working, supporting, holding everything together, then who the fuck am I? And that's a really shitty question. But it's also a really important one. Because for women who have spent decades caregiving, supporting, helping, carrying everything, it can feel terrifying, but it can also feel really freeing.

Boundaries, Rest, Support, And Purpose

SPEAKER_00 14:34

Because your purpose in this life is not to hold everything together for everybody else. It's not. Your purpose is to know yourself, to be yourself, to balance strength with softness, to have boundaries, to receive support, to say no, to rest, to stop earning your worth through exhaustion. You deserve support. You deserve rest. You deserve a life that feels good to live, not just one you survive. And maybe, just maybe, you're finally realizing that you don't have to carry everything alone anymore. Because honestly, some of it you don't have to carry at all.

Reach Out, Share, And Wrap Up

SPEAKER_00 15:43

So that pretty much wraps up today's episode, guys. And as always, if anything we talked about today hit home or made you feel seen, I'd genuinely love to hear from you. You can find me over on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook at at you and youofficial.au. Or please feel free to slide into my DMs anytime. Seriously. I'd love to hear your story. Because it's those kind of conversations that really are my favorite part of doing this. And if this episode helped you in any way, please follow the podcast, leave a review, or send it to another woman who might need to hear it. Because I know she's out there. That woman who's holding everything together, the one who's exhausted, who's pretending she's fine, and who's wondering if it's too late to put herself first. I want her to know that it's not. It's not too late, not even close. Your 40s and 50s can be the beginning of a whole new chapter. Messy? Absolutely. Terrifying? Sometimes. Worth it? Bloody oath. Remember, we're doing this side by side. Every chapter we explore together, I bought some version of it too. So if today's episode came with one thing to think about, feel, question, or try, I'd love to hear how you use it. Until next time, keep your breasting messy. I've finished apologetic.